Well folks, the New Year is here, and it is of course time to make my psychic predictions for 2011. So I’ve already retrieved my crystal ball — it doubles as an ornament in one of the bathrooms at Brainwave — and given it a good polish with brand leading Pledge of course. And I’m now ready to deliver some wonderful words of insight to you my 14 avid readers. (Up from 13 since my last blog thanks to someone called B. Obama who signed up over the holidays because he needed some image advice.) So hang on to your hats, gloves and anything else that may blow off with the force of my impending “sound off” because here I go.
First of all, in the political world, I can confidently predict that John Boehner will not make it through any session of Congress without blubbing like a baby on the hour every hour. Mr. Boehner’s tear ducts will attract the attention of major advertisers, and he will be approached by none other than Kleenex, who will offer our recently dubbed “weeper of the house” a lucrative deal to become its spokesman. In doing so, Kleenex will beat out overtures from another company with perfect “John Boehner brand credentials”, Simply Orange.
The most notable state marketing campaign will come from the bankrupt state of California, who will publicly plead for financial help from its wealthiest citizens with an ad campaign featuring the tag line “There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else there’s Meg Whitman or Carly Fiorina.” Jerry Brown, the new governor of California will also go on the offensive with a campaign that will seek to shift blame for the state’s financial woes. The tag line will simply be “California. It’s not our fault, it’s San Andreas’s fault!” (Ouch.)
In sport, Tiger Woods will make great strides on and off the golf course. He’ll polish up his clubs (as it were) and his image by negotiating a sponsorship deal with “Mr. Clean.” This will be a marketing deal made in heaven for Tiger, because as we all know, he spent all of 2010 being “Mr. Come-Clean”. In terms of American football, I’m going to go completely out on a limb here and predict that the Washington Redskins will not win the super bowl. And in soccer, I see that after an exhaustive search, DC United will definitely find a new home and will be called Bermuda FC from March 2011 onwards.
Social media will continue to explode this year. Facebook will again grow in leaps and bounds, and as it does, the company’s founder, Mark Zuckerberg will spend millions building a brand personality. His own. In addition, social media sites targeting the over-60 crowd will be ubiquitous. So look out for the launch of Myopiaspace.com, Youwhatnowtube –- complete with a logo design featuring a cupped hand held up to an ear — and For-Getful Squares.com among others.
As for traditional media, well, a slew of new and successful TV shows will hit the small screen this year. (Does any one actually still have a small screen??) These will include the former directors of Lehman Brothers starring in a financial show entitled “The Biggest Losers”, and Levi Johnson fronting — but thankfully not full fronting — a Sarah Palin focused show. Despite protests from the would-be Presidential candidate herself, Levi’s show will either be called “Sarah Palin’s Alas…ka” or “Godzilla from Wasilla”.
There will be some interesting developments in the music and theater worlds too. The Rolling Stones will announce their fifteenth final farewell tour and it will be sponsored by Zimmer Frames. Lady Gaga will team up with the Goo Goo Dolls, for the Gaga Goo Goo world tour. And the producers of the show Spiderman will solve all their problems and will re-launch their production with a new and more appropriate title: “Spiderman: No strings attached. And fingers crossed.”
The world’s big brands will continue advertising heavily in 2011, and will even increase their ad spends as the economy improves. However, in a dramatic breakthrough for TV advertising in general, the couple featured sitting in the “His-n-Her” bathtubs in the Cialis ads, will finally get out of their tubs and have a shag.
As for the business world, well, it’ll be business as usual. The stock market will go up. And then it will come down. Good companies will thrive, great brand ideas will help companies prosper, and 20 year olds will develop even more ideas that will change the world. (Note to 20 year old daughter. You’ve had a great idea. Get cracking!!)
It will be a crazy year folks — full of ups and downs, and highs and lows, just like any other year. But according to my wonderful crystal ball/ornament, this coming year is going to be a hell of a lot better than the last.
I wish everyone a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year – including my new avid reader, B. Obama, whoever you are.
